


Decisions, Decisions

by orphan_account



Category: One Piece
Genre: Multi, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:09:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29692053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sanji's been two-timing Nami AND Zoro.  Cue an epic fight, a prank war, and the whole crew getting involved to try and fix things.  The sex scene is in Part 5.
Relationships: Nami/Roronoa Zoro, Nami/Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji, Nami/Vinsmoke Sanji, Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for onepieceyaoi in 2005. Takes place post-Robin, and pre-Franky.

“Mmm.” 

“Oooh! Do that again!” 

Zoro stopped dead in his tracks. There were muffled giggles, followed by a hasty “Shhhh” from the direction of the storeroom door. The blood drained from his face, as he recognized their voices. It couldn’t be. It had better bloody *not* be.

If Zoro had been thinking straight, he probably would have pulled Sanji aside after dinner and asked him to come clean about what was going on. If he were thinking at all, he would have realized that barging into the storeroom would certainly clear up whether Nami and Sanji were screwing, but it would result in seeing. . . well, Nami and Sanji screwing.

It didn’t really dawn on Zoro until after he’d forced the door open that he’d never seen Nami naked before. It caught him off guard for a moment, and all he could do was stand there and stare - the view really wasn't too shabby. After she shrieked and bolted behind the nearest barrel, however, his anger quickly focused on the other occupant of the room.

“You!” he barked, pointing an accusing finger at an unperturbed Sanji, who was easing back into his slacks. “You two timing *bastard* cook!” 

Sanji blinked at him, as if he’d only been lightly tapped on the shoulder. “Can I help you?” The tone of his voice was way too nonchalant for Zoro’s liking. He could feel his blood pressure on the rise.

“The hell you can.” He shoved the blonde, wanting to see him off balance, and seethed when he didn’t budge. Want to tell me why you’re screwing Nami behind my back, you sneaking son of a bitch?” There was a muffled noise of astonishment from behind the barrel.

Sanji shrugged, smiling innocently. “Well, I love Nami-san, Zoro. It was a natural development in our relationship.” A cigarette seemed to materialize out of nowhere, and he managed a good drag before Zoro snatched it out of his hand. 

“Don’t give me that, you lying scumbag. What happened to ‘Women don’t satisfy me, Zoro’ and ‘Nami just doesn’t understand, Zoro’ and ‘You’re the only one I can go to, Zoro’?!” His hands had balled into fists and steam appeared to be rising from the top of his head.

Sanji sighed, finally starting to look uncomfortable. “Well, all of that *is* true. Nami could never fuck me into the floor the way you can, but I've got other needs.” 

"What other needs?"

"Er... I get tired of being uke *all* the time, you know?"

“Um,” Nami called from behind the barrel. “Could somebody throw me my clothes?” 

“Get them yourself!” Zoro barked. 

“Hey, I’m trying to maintain some dignity here!” 

“Dignity?! I just caught you screwing *my* cook!”

“*Your* cook?!” Nami squawked. She stood up, nudity be damned, and marched up to Zoro with a look on her face normally reserved for Marines and stubborn perfume merchants. “For your information, Sanji and I have been lovers since we left Arabasta!”

“Ha!” The swordsman snorted. “I’ve been doing him since Roguetown!”

“Sanji!” Nami turned to the cook in shock. 

“You’re so pretty when you’re angry,” Sanji smiled weakly, turning very red. Nami scowled at him as she picked up her blouse and skirt. Zoro handed over her underwear with a smirk.

“I’m very disappointed in you,” she glared at them both, getting dressed, “but I guess I can understand how you might have gotten carried away a few times, considering the way you two fight.” She narrowed her eyes at Zoro, “And the way you drink.”

“Not all of us are lightweights,” Zoro retorted.

“As long as it doesn’t happen again,” she slid herself meaningfully up against Sanji, “I’m willing to forgive you.”

“What?!” Zoro shoved the girl aside. “There’s no way you’re dropping me for some skinny little carrot stick like her! You want to get dominant, Sanji? You can do me right here! Right now!”

“Uh…” Sanji looked like a deer caught in the lights on an oncoming train. He waved his hands rapidly. “That’s okay! Really!”

Nami, not to be outdone, shoved back the other way. “What do you need with some moldy-haired hooligan like him? Just give me some time to secure the proper equipment, and we’ll see who’s screwing who into the floor!” 

Sanji just stared at her.

"Dumb sword-freak!"

"Underhanded female!"

"Screw you!"

"*Fuck* you!"

Zoro and Nami were quite literally at each other’s throats now, trying to stare each other down, and making aggressive noises. Sanji realized if he didn’t diffuse the tension fast, somebody was going to hit somebody, and things were going to turn ugly.

“Ahem?” He cleared his throat. “I’ve made a decision.” 

That got their attention fast. 

Sanji took a deep breath. “Well, this is obviously all my fault, and I’m really sorry I got both of you into this. But I love Zoro and Nami equally, and there’s no way I choose between the two of you. So I’m going to do what’s fair and leave it up to you to decide, because you’re the ones who’ve been hurt.” He rubbed his forehead as his crewmates reacted to this. Nami looked disappointed, and Zoro looked thoughtful. “And I want you to decide without killing each other,” Sanji added quickly. That earned him glares. 

Deciding he’d done enough, Sanji got out of the storeroom as fast as he could without actually running, leaving Nami and Zoro to deal with the fallout.

Minutes passed as the implications of this new development sank in.

“I’ve got a proposition,” Nami spoke first.

“Yeah?”

“You let me have him, and I’ll cancel the interest on your debt.”

Zoro’s eye visibly twitched. “How about you cancel the *whole* debt?”

“Not on your life!”

They both sighed. This was going to take a while.  
\---


	2. Part 2

At first, Zoro and Nami had been pretty civil in negotiations. There were some wild suggestions and bribery, even minor threats, but they had stayed within reasonable boundaries. The problem was that neither of them wanted to budge an inch from getting Sanji all to themselves. 

The rest of the crew was informed about what was going on a few days later, after some of the discussions had gotten too loud and tempers reached their limits. Sanji was the one who did it, so neither of his lovers would have a chance to influence their friends (not that they didn’t try later). Usopp had asked too many questions and Robin had said nothing at all. Chopper, the only one on board who hadn’t known about either relationship, got a nervous expression on his face when he was around any of them for a long while after that. As for their intrepid Captain Luffy, he seemed to understand what was going on, but nobody had the guts to ask to make sure. All he said was that he was sure they’d work it all out – “like nakama.”

A week went by with no progress. 

“It’s not fair,” Nami sighed to Robin on morning as they were sunbathing on the deck. “Zoro won’t listen to reason. I’ve offered 58% percent of his debt, and every Monday night to do whatever he wants to the dumb cook. All he offered was to be my personal bodyguard for a year. It’s ridiculous.”

“Well, he loves Sanji, doesn’t he? Would you trade him for money or agree to only see him on certain days?” Robin’s tone was gentle, but like everyone else, she was getting tired of the ongoing tensions.

“That’s the problem! The more I try to get Sanji away from that big gorilla, the more I’m starting to think I shouldn’t.” She bit her lip, looking upset. “I know Zoro loves him, but I love him just as much! So I don’t like sparring until I’m too tired to move, or having rough sex in the galley. So I don’t have big manly biceps or rock-hard abs! I’ve got brains and money and a sense of humor and boobs! And Sanji *loves* me. I know he does!”

Robin reached over to hug her. “Of course he does.”

Nami hugged back. “The worst part is, he’s cut *both* of us off until we decide. I don’t think I’ve ever been so frustrated in my entire life.” Suddenly, Nami’s hands were getting awfully mobile…

Robin ended the hug abruptly. “I can loan you some books,” she said sweetly.

***

On the other side of the Going Merry, Zoro and Usopp were fixing part of the railing that had been damaged in their last fight with the Marines. Well, actually Usopp was doing the fixing. Zoro was pacing up and down the deck, venting.

“What does that stupid woman want? I put myself up for indentured servitude and all she gives me is Mondays. Mondays! I could wring her little neck!” 

Usopp rolled his eyes. “You should just let her have him and take the money.”

Zoro scoffed. “You know she’d con it back from me within a week. And it’s not even actual money. It’s money she thinks I owe her, which I’m pretty damn sure I don’t.” He scowled at nobody in particular. 

“Well. . .” Usopp considered, “But what about Sanji, huh? He’s always mooning over Nami. If she finally wants him, don’t you think you ought to let them work it out?”

“Hell no!” Zoro sputtered indignantly. “Nami treats him like a lapdog – like a pet! She might want him now, but I’ve wanted him since the beginning. And I’ll still want him when she gets bored and dumps him. Which she will.”

Usopp shook his head. “I’m not so sure about that.” He turned to see that Zoro had stopped pacing, staring distractedly out over the horizon.

“I’m not so sure about that either,” he muttered softly, and kicked the extra lumber brought out for the repairs. “Fuck, I’m horny.”

***

The next round of negotiations didn’t go well at all, ending in shouting, slammed doors, and angry silences. The rest of the Straw Hat Pirates didn’t learn how badly until the next morning.

They had decided to spend a few days at the sizable port town of Obeeji, to restock supplies and spend some time getting off each other’s nerves. Nami got up bright and early to go shopping, and told the others not to expect her back before dark. 

It was long after she left that they discovered Zoro’s swords were missing, gone from their sheaths when he woke up for breakfast. After hours of frantic searching, they were found dangling in the ocean from the anchor chain, after the tide ebbed out. Zoro spent the rest of the day scrutinizing the blades for signs of rust, and furiously polishing them to get all the salt off. He didn’t say a thing to Nami when she came back to the Going Merry.

Sanji and Robin kept a nervous watch on Nami the next day, knowing the retaliation for Zoro’s swords was going to be fierce. It turned out that Nami herself wasn’t in any danger. Shortly after lunch, Luffy made the shocking discovery while Zoro was conveniently manning the crow’s nest. Every single one of Nami’s tangerine trees had a heart carved into the trunk, with the initials “S+Z” in the middle. Sanji had a dreamy look on his face for hours, but Nami was so mad, fire seemed to shoot out of her eyes. 

The next day was very eventful.

Zoro woke up the next morning with bright purple hair. A note was pinned to his shirt informing him that the dye was permanent. Sanji decided to temporarily call him “Uni” – Sea Urchin, instead of “Marimo.” Zoro punched him in response.

Nami got the worst sunburn of her life, after her sunblock was switched with a mixture of coconut milk and cooking oil. She asked that Luffy be kept at a distance, since he kept drooling around her and asking if she was done yet.

Zoro found his boots firmly stuck to the deck after his shower, and no amount of pulling would get them loose. Further inspection from Usopp showed they’d been nailed down, and were in any case ruined. Robin loaned him some sandals. Pink sandals.

Nami discovered half a dozen live lobsters making themselves comfortable in her room. Her screaming brought the whole crew, who did very badly at trying to chase them down and catch them. Sanji and Robin got all the crustaceans rounded up eventually, and Sanji promised they’d be ready for lunch tomorrow.

Nami, however, had had enough. She marched out to the prow, where Zoro was on night watch, fuming. “I hope you’re happy!” she railed at him. “Those lobsters ruined three rolls of my drafting paper, and my whole room smells like seaweed!”

Zoro didn’t even bother to turn around to look at her, but Nami could *hear* the grin on his face. “I thought a cute little lobster like you would like getting a visit from some friends. You ought to thank me. Luffy won’t be disappointed that he didn’t get to eat you now.”

“Oooh! You’re impossible! You’re just a brainless, barbaric, sword-swinging thug who can’t get it through his thick head that this is one battle he can’t win!”

That got his attention.

“I’ll never back down, you woman! You can scream all you want, but you’ll still be a grating, selfish little shrew who’s frustrated because she can't buy or charm her way into getting what she wants this time!”

They stood directly across from one another, glaring lightning bolts at each other, when Sanji walked out from the kitchen. He had a cigarette lit and was brushing a bit of lint off his lapel. He glanced back and forth between the two.

“I can’t believe you two are still at it.” He blew a smoke ring into the night sky, nonchalant as you please. “Well, try not to cause anymore trouble tonight. It’s hard enough as it is keeping this boat running without you two and your little drama exercises. I’ll see you lovebirds in the morning.” And then he turned and walked off, a little trail of cigarette smoke lingering behind. 

Zoro and Nami stared after him, dumbfounded.

“That stuck-up, floppy-haired, sonovah bitch!”

“Who does he think he is, talking to us like that?!”

“This entire stupid mess is his fault!” Zoro scowled.

“Right,” Nami nodded indignantly. “He’s the one forcing us to choose instead of making the decision himself.” 

“He’s such a coward.”

“He doesn’t deserve either one of us.”

“Damn right.”

Both of them stopped short, and stood there, gawking at each other for almost a full minute.

“We just agreed, didn’t we?” Nami said incredulously, not quite believing it.

Zoro shrugged, not managing to quite keep back his smirk. “Guess we did.”

There was another long pause.

“You’re a worthy opponent,” Zoro said finally, not looking at her.

“Huh. And you drive a pretty hard bargain.” Nami smiled back. She leaned back against the cabin wall. “But I think we might be able to work this out. What do you say?”

Zoro looked at her askance. “You fix my hair. Then we’ll talk.”   
\---


	3. Part 3

It was a cool night, and all the stars were out. Nami had cocoa waiting when Zoro got out of the shower, towelling off his hair.

“It had better be the right color,” he growled at her.

“It’s a little darker than it should be,” Nami admitted. “The dyes I bought probably weren’t supposed to be used one after another in succession like this.”

“As long as it’s not purple anymore, it’s fine.” Zoro picked up his cocoa. He hesitated, glancing at Nami before he took a sip.

“You don’t trust me?” she asked innocently.

“It’s been a long day. How’s the sunburn?”

Nami frowned. “I’m going to have to sleep on my stomach for a while, but I’ll live. Chopper got me some special aloe that’s helping a lot. He says I won’t even peel.”

Zoro simply nodded at her.

They stood on the deck for a long while in silence, not talking and not looking at each other. The Going Merry was never quiet, sounds of breaking waves beneath them, and the snores of Usopp and Luffy coming up from below decks. It was calm, though, without any distractions. Peaceful, even. 

Nami was the one who spoke first. 

“What are we going to do?” she sighed. “I need Sanji more than I think I’ve ever needed anybody – but he needs you. He needs you and I can’t be for him what you are.”

Zoro put down his cup, thinking it over. “Don’t shortchange yourself. I think you’re a heluvah lot better for that bastard cook in the long run. And way easier on the eyes.” 

And suddenly Zoro had her by the wrist and was pulling her next to him, very, very close, and a strong arm snaked around her waist. “What are you –“ and Zoro kissed her. 

It was pure impulse, nothing he was doing consciously, Zoro decided, not quite sure how he’d gotten to this moment, with Nami snuggled up against his chest, tasting like tangerines and lipstick.

She pulled away first, but slowly. “What was that for?”

“Nothing.” He stepped back, instantly cool and untouchable again. “Just too worked up, you know. Sanji hasn’t been playing nice with you either, has he?” 

Nami shook her head. “He hasn’t. But it wasn’t just that, was it?” She looked him straight in the eye, as if daring him to lie to her. “Did you like it?”

“And if I did? What would it mean?”

Feeling bolder, Nami ran her hand up the length of Zoro’s arm. He made no move to stop her as she sidled up close again, “It would mean we might be able to work something out, you and me.” She leaned forward to close the gap beneath them. Zoro’s eyes had widened, but his expression was neutral, as she tilted her head up to meet his lips. This kiss was slower, exploratory, and very deliberate of both of them. 

“It wasn’t bad,” he murmured in her ear when it was finished. 

“No, it wasn’t bad at all,” Nami agreed, “You don’t make me see sparks the way Sanji does, but I like the way you do it. And I like the way you hold me. That’s something, isn’t it?”

Zoro looked at her, an eyebrow raised. “I can’t believe you’re the one suggesting this. You’re supposed to be the good girl, remember? I’m the degenerate pervert of a pirate hunter.”

“I can be a degenerate too, if I want.”

“Huh.” Zoro was less than convinced.

“You boys aren’t the only ones who like playing with their own team, you know?” Nami pursed her lips suggestively.

“You mean – damn! Really? Recently?” He was grinning. 

“Uh-huh.”

“So, you and Robin.”

“No. Robin’s straight, and I wouldn’t cheat on Sanji like that. Vivi, on the other hand – well, let’s just say I got to know her a lot better than everyone thought I did.” She blushed, but only a little.

“I’m impressed you two kept it under wraps,” Zoro chuckled. “So that’s why you made the cook wait until after we left Alabasta.”

Nami looked uncomfortable at this, and fidgeted a little. “That wasn’t exactly it,” she said quietly.

“Then what?” Nami fidgeted, looking at her feet and clamming up. “Come on, it can’t be anything more shocking than what you’ve blabbed about already.”

“This part matters, though,” Nami replied. 

“I’m not the type to blackmail nakama, unlike some people I know.” Nami nodded, getting the message. If the two of them were going to reconcile, everything was going to have to come out eventually. Better now than later.

“Well, the truth is I hadn’t planned on becoming Sanji’s lover at all. The night we left, I was lonely and I was miserable. So I went to him for comfort. I used him. That first time didn’t mean a thing to me. I only fell in love when I confessed what I did later. I could tell he was hurt, really badly, but all he did was hand me a drink and said he’d always love me.”

“That sappy idiot,” Zoro muttered.

“You know, if Sanji’d pulled a stunt like that on me, I’d have made him regret it every single day for the rest of his life,” she exhaled a slow, shaky breath. “And he forgave me just like that. I didn’t know there were people who had hearts that strong.”

“Oh, I don’t think it was his *heart,*” Zoro drawled. “That horny bastard was probably thinking with something else.”

Nami stuck out her tongue and elbowed him. “Well, I didn’t miss Vivi after that. And I’ve been making it up to Sanji ever since.”

Zoro shrugged. “Okay. Well, that wasn’t too bad for a confession. I guess it’s my turn.” He reached up to stretch, flexing his biceps.

“Your turn?”

“Well, we’re being all honest and stuff. I wasn’t exactly pining after the pervert cook when we first started doing it either.”

“I kinda assumed that.”

“Oh, shut up!” Zoro gave her a light shove, as Nami dissolved into giggles.

“Well, you two are always fighting with each other, and wrestling around and getting all puffed up and indignant! I figured you two got real drunk or real excited one night and just – went for it.” 

Zoro frowned. “That is *not* what happened.”

“Well?”

“We weren’t fighting. I was ticked off at him though. I don’t remember what had me so mad, but I remembered I wanted to do something to him to take him down a few pegs. I wanted to hit that cocky sonovabitch where it hurt.”

Nami gasped, her expression stricken. “Don’t tell me you –“

Zoro’s eyes narrowed. “I didn’t force him. I might be a bastard, but I’m not that sort of scum.” His fists were clenched. Nami backed up a step.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think.” Nami's voice was small.

“It’s okay,” the tension went out of him as quickly as it had come. “It’s your business to worry about him.”

“Go on, Zoro. Please?” 

The pirate nodded. “I wanted to humiliate him. So I kept him company while he was on watch and got him drunk. Drunk enough to get him out of that suit and into something more interesting.” 

“More interesting, meaning..?

Zoro’s smile was absolutely wicked. “Red women’s lingerie. And lace stockings and garter belts. Swiped some of your lipstick too. Sorry.”

Nami burst out laughing, “Why I don’t I remember any of this?”

“You might remember him being sick, though, right before we got to Roguetown?”

“Yeah. I had to cook that day. Luffy was such a pest, I gave up and made everybody eat dried biscuits and beef jerky. What happened to Sanji?”

Zoro groaned. “I overdid it on the alcohol. He was so hung over, he couldn’t get out of his hammock in the morning. I told everybody he’d come down with the flu and moved him over to the spare cabin to sleep it off. I mean, there wasn’t any point to humiliating him if he couldn’t appreciate it.”

Nami laughed. “You could have taken photos at least and kept them around for insurance.” Zoro raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t do blackmail, remember? Anyway, I checked up on him that evening and he was fine. He was kinda freaked out when he woke up in that get-up, but I just explained it was a prank gone wrong, and he kicked me in the head and we called it even.” He reached down for the cocoa and drank what was left.

“And?” Nami asked expectantly.

“And what?” 

“Where does the sex come in?”

Zoro sputtered. “I’m not talking about that!”

“Awww,” Nami whined. “Come on. You don’t have to describe it or anything. I just want to know how it happened.”

“Everyone’s a pervert,” Zoro muttered. “Fine! I brought back his clothes for him and caught him undressing. He got stuck, I had to help him, and we *did* it, okay?!”

“Okay, okay!” Nami held her hands up. “Sure beats my first time with him. Where’d the red lingerie come from, anyway?”

“I found all of it in the pack of some pirate goon we fought near Usopp’s island. I figured they would come in handy eventually.”

Nami was tapping her chin in an affected thinking pose. “You wouldn’t happen to still have them, would you?”

“Yeah, I do. They’re stashed in the washroom with Usopp’s porn collection. What are you plotting?” 

Nami shot him a coy look. “Just a little revenge, Zoro.”

Zoro didn’t answer, just said “Hmm,” and sat down.

Nami wouldn’t be deterred. She scooted over next to him and whispered conspiratorially in his ear. “Don’t you want to hear what I’ve got in mind?”

The swordsman got up and started to pace slowly, up and down the deck, ignoring her. Nami, perplexed, stayed sitting on the deck.

“What’s wrong? I thought we agreed this was Sanji’s fault.”

“Oh it’s his fault, but we’ve still got a problem here.”

“I thought we settled that. We both need him. He needs both of us. I don’t want to share him, and I know you don’t either, but I think we can do this with all three of us. Don’t you?” There was no answer. “Zoro?”

Zoro stopped pacing. “You’re gorgeous, Nami. You are most fucking gorgeous girl I’ve ever been friends with, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you, every so often.”

Nami sat up, stunned. “Z-Zoro, I –“

“Let me finish. This isn’t something we can do on a whim.” He had walked back to her part of the deck, and sat down facing her, cross legged. His voice was much softer than it normally was, and Nami realized how serious he was being. “Three sounds as easy as two, but it’s not. It can fall apart faster and the aftermath can be much, much uglier. I’ve seen it happen, and I’m not going to step into something like this lightly. I won’t risk Sanji, and I won’t risk you, unless we’re absolutely sure about this.”

“I’m not taking it lightly,” Nami whispered. She’d never seen Zoro like this, and it was making her heart beat madly in her chest.

“Really?” Zoro caught her face in his hand and pinned her with his gaze. “You could handle seeing me fuck your boyfriend like a wild dog? You’d help me hold him down? Make him howl?” His voice was still soft, but dangerous.

Nami nodded, and stared right back. “Yeah. I would. You want to help me drive him crazy? Tease him so bad he can’t form a complete sentence until you’ve got him wrapped tight around your little finger, and then he’ll say anything you want?” 

“Anything we want,” Zoro corrected gently.

“Anything we want,” Nami agreed.

And they were kissing again, sweetly first, and then more and more frantically, pent-up frustrations flooding out between them. Kissing turned to fondling, and fondling into groping. Zoro was halfway out of his shirt and had his arm up the back of Nami’s before she stopped him. “Wait,” she broke off their kiss and pushed him away. Nami sat up, breathing heavily.

“Well?” Zoro propped himself up on one elbow, not happy with the interruption. His sexual frustration was demanding attention *now.*

“It doesn’t feel right, going behind Sanji’s back.” 

Zoro groaned. “Nami, that bastard cook has been two-timing both of us for six months, has cut us off for over a week, and you’re worried about hurting his feelings?”

Nami leaned up against him. “I know. But it still doesn’t feel right. Do you think he’ll go along with this? Us being three together?”

Zoro kissed the top of her head. “If that’s what you’re worried about, I think since he dumped the responsibility on us, he doesn’t get any say in this.”

“We do know him better than anyone else,” Nami considered, as Zoro worked his way down her neck. “And we both agree that he needs both of us. This is really for his own good, isn’t it?” She smiled, impishly. The doubt was melting fast.

“Besides, if we’ve each only been handling half of his libido, you really think one person alone is going to be able to cut it?”

Nami giggled again, and started running teasing fingers over Zoro’s collar bone. “We’re going to need a lot of practice to coordinate ourselves,” she replied. “And we’ll have to start by doing something really awful to him for making us go through all this.”

“You can tell me that plan for your horrible revenge now,” Zoro was fumbling with Nami’s bra strap. “as long as I’m not the one in the lace stockings.”

“That tickles! Oh, I’ll do it.” Zoro whistled appreciatively as Nami abandoned her T-shirt. He could get used to the sight of her topless. “I’ve got a couple of ideas,” she continued, “but I’m going to need your help with some of the details.”

“With your evil mind and my biceps, the poor bastard doesn’t stand a chance.”

“Oh, but he deserves what’s coming to him.” She nuzzled up against his back, and sucked on his earlobe before whispering, “Want to go have kinky sex in his kitchen?”

Zoro whooped. “Hell, yeah!”  
\---


	4. Part 4

Sanji knew something was up when Nami and Zoro started the morning by not glaring at each other, but merely exchanging meaningful glances across the breakfast table. Zoro’s hair was green again too.

“Has a truce been called?” he asked, setting down the scrambled eggs.

“Temporarily,” Nami answered, adjusting the pink neckerchief she was wearing. “We’ll be suspending negotiations until we get back out to sea.”

“Thank goodness,” Ussopp said through a mouthful of food. “You two need some time to cool off.”

“We’ll be going into town today,” Zoro added. “She owes me boots, and she wants to pick up some of that map paper of hers.”

Sanji was concerned. “Are you sure the two of you should go together? I think I should probably come along - after all, my daaaaarling Nami needs somebody to carry her bags, doesn’t she?” He’d slipped into sweet-talking mode.

Zoro slammed a fist down on the table. “I’ll carry the stupid bags. You –" he pointed at Sanji, “are going to stay away from her – “ he pointed at Nami, “until we get this whole mess settled.”

Nami rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry Sanji, but having you with us is probably just going to make *him* uncomfortable. We promise not to kill each other, okay? We’re not even going to talk about it. We’ll just shop and walk around town and try to get back to being able to stand each other again.” 

“That’s only going to be possible when I’ve got decent boots again, woman.”

Luffy burst into the room, grinning ear to ear. “Meat!” he demanded. “Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat!” He spied the platter of sausages and his hands got to the table well before he did.

“No, no, no you idiot! Those are for everybody!” Sanji protested, trying to wrestle the food away from his captain. “Shit, Ussop, lend me a hand here.” 

In the resulting commotion, Zoro and Nami exchanged sneaky smiles at each other. Nobody suspected a thing.

****

Nami hadn’t been lying when she told Sanji that they weren’t going to talk about their romantic situation during the trip into town. Zoro had made it clear that if a threesome was going to work, they were going to have to cement the relationship between the two of them first, before trying to untangle the parts that had to do with Sanji. They’d gotten the sexual part of it down last night, but functioning together casually wasn’t something either of them was really sure about.

So, they went shopping. It turned out that a lot of their normal tensions were diffused by the newfound intimacy. Nami bought everything, but she let Zoro choose his new boots, and charitably left him to get his swords sharpened while she went to look for clothes by herself. She ordered him around as usual, but playfully, and the orders included getting a lot of spontaneous kisses. If there was anything weird at all, it was that little old ladies would watch them knowingly, and titter about “young love.” 

For Zoro’s part, he teased Nami for being a penny pincher, and complained loudly that he was being taken advantage of, but seemed to be in a damn good mood all day. Nami caught him looking at her several times during the day, obviously thinking dirty thoughts. When they met up again in the early afternoon, he handed her a yellow bag from one of the fashion boutiques. “Here,” he said tersely. “For you.”

Nami was flabbergasted. “You bought me a gift?!” 

The swordsman nodded, acting as though it wasn’t a big deal. “Don’t expect this often. You’ve got most of my money, remember?”

Nami opened the bag and peeked into the box inside. She gasped in surprise. “Zoro! What are these for?!” she demanded.

Zoro leaned over to whisper in her ear, “They match the rest of the outfit.”

“You mean –“ She was blushing.

“Yeah. And you’re not gonna believe what else I found here. I figured I should wait for you before I picked anything else out.”

***

The quaint old port town of Obeeji was known for many things: it’s bustling marketplace, the lovely surrounding woods, and the biggest Super Sex-Maniac’s Specialties Store on the whole Grand Line.

It proved to be a very interesting and educational afternoon for Nami and Zoro.

***

“We’re probably going to have to tell Robin,” Nami decided, as they walked back to the ship that evening. She was picking dried leaves out of her hair. Zoro had gotten frisky on their way through the woods, and couldn’t be bothered to wait until they’d gotten back to civilization. 

“What for?” Zoro shifted one of the two shopping bags he was carrying from one hand to the other. They weren’t particularly heavy, but he didn’t want to jostle the contents. One was already making suspicious little metallic clinking noises.

“She’s a lot smarter than the dunderheads. She’ll probably figure out what we’re doing.”

“I don’t think Robin’s the type who’d stick her nose in other people’s business.”

“Yeah, but there’s always a chance she might misunderstand and think we were seriously trying to kill him or something. Besides, we might need her to distract Luffy and the others once we get this plan of ours going.” 

“In other words, you don’t want to get walked in on again,” Zoro teased.

Nami shot him a look. “Do you?” 

“Not really. But you should have seen the look on your face when I caught you and Sanji the other day.”

“I’m surprised you saw my face at all, the way you were ogling my boobs.”

“Hey, they’re nice boobs,” Zoro retorted. “You should be flattered.” 

Nami pouted, but couldn’t argue with a compliment. “Anyway, what about Robin?”

“Whatever, but I’m not telling her.”

“I wouldn’t have asked you to.”

“Good.”

“Hey Zoro,” Nami’s tone was suddenly sing-song. “Tell me how good my boobs look again.”

Zoro stopped short. “What are you, crazy, woman?”

“I want to hear another compliment before we get back to the ship and have to act like we hate each other. It’ll give me something to think about while I’m insulting you.”

Zoro shook his head. “I don’t understand how you think. Fine. You have un-fucking-believable boobs. They’re fan-fucking-tastic. Happy now?” 

Nami kissed him.

*** 

They settled on giving each other the silent treatment when they got back, rather than try to stage a full blown fight. It turned out they weren’t the only ones. Robin and Usopp had confronted Sanji about the situation in the kitchen while they were gone, to try and get him to intervene, but had only managed to upset him.

Now he wasn’t talking to anybody, Chopper explained after dinner. Nothing really awful had happened, but Sanji got defensive when they started asking a lot of questions, and stormed off. Even Luffy hadn’t been able to get a word out of him since.

The Going Merry was downright glum that night. 

“It’s the guilt eating him,” was Zoro’s opinion when he dropped off an inconspicuous bundle with Nami, after everyone else had gone to bed. “Stubborn idiot knows he’s made a mistake and he’s too scared to admit it.”

“Robin said as much,” Nami agreed. “She says she’s glad we’ve made up and she’ll help us out if she can, but we’ve got to do something about Sanji fast.”

“Um, I kinda told Chopper about us,” Zoro said, looking sheepish. “He wants to help too.”

“Chopper?” Nami frowned. “He’s not as bad as Usopp about keeping secrets, but he’ll crack under pressure, and he can’t keep a straight face. What did you tell him for?”

Zoro hemmed and hawed for a minute, but finally just said, “He was getting freaked out.”

Nami sighed. “Oh well.” She opened the package Zoro had given her and pulled out the red negligee. “The more the merrier, I guess.” 

***

“That sounds like a pretty good plan,” Usopp nodded thoughtfully.

“I don’t get it.” Luffy was chewing on a hambone leftover from dinner. “Why do we have to leave the ship?” The two of them, Chopper, and Robin, were having their own late night secret meeting around Chopper’s work table.

“Because if we leave Sanji and Nami and Zoro alone here together, they’re bound to make up with each other,” Robin said patiently. “We’ll just tell them we’re mad at them, say we won’t come back until they start acting like nakama again, and go camping in the woods for out last day here. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

“I think it sounds fun!” Chopper said, a little too loudly.

“Yes,” Luffy replied, “but we’re not mad at them.”

“I’m mad at them,” Usopp grumbled. 

“They just need some time by themselves. By the time we get back, I bet they’ll all be back to normal,” Robin said earnestly. “I’ll bet they want to make up just as much as we want them to.”

Usopp considered. “You really think so?”

“I think so,” Chopper, embarrassed after his outburst, was whispering now.

“Hmmm,” Luffy was thinking hard. He looked up at Robin. “Can we go fishing?” 

Everybody else groaned and facefaulted onto the floor.

***

Sanji got up the next day with a raging headache. He hadn’t slept too well, and he might have had a little too much to drink. 

Robin and Nami were whispering to each other in the kitchen when he came in, and quickly excused themselves despite him greeting both of them cheerfully. He figured it was some sort of mysterious girl-talk, but felt a little slighted as they left. 

Then he remembered he’d been giving everyone the silent treatment last night. Crap.

He started breakfast – toast and omelettes – and made himself a hangover cure.

He just knew it was going to be a bad day.

Usopp came in for breakfast with Luffy, loudly talking about his latest letter from Kaya and obviously ignoring Sanji. Chopper nervously followed, slumping down in his chair and not talking to anybody. Nobody said anything as Sanji set the dishes out. Chopper just sank lower into his seat when, the cook tried to ask how he was doing. By the time Nami and Robin came back in, he was getting seriously ticked off.

“Can I get you some juice, Nami-swan?” he cooed.

“Robin, could you pass me a napkin?” Nami didn’t even look at him.

“All right, I get it!” he plonked the pitcher of orange juice down on the table. “I was a jerk last night and I apologize already!”

Luffy blinked up at him. “Apologize for what?”

Usopp cleared his throat. “What Luffy meant to say was, we think you and Nami and Zoro need some time alone to work things out. Things are getting totally out of hand, and we’re not going to take it anymore.”

“Who’s not taking what anymore?” Zoro had come in, walked up behind Usopp while he was talking, and snatched the piece of toast out of his hand.

“Hey!”

“We’re going to help you three out,” Robin said smoothly. “The boys and I are going to be taking a trip out to explore the woods on this island. We’ll camp out tonight, do some fishing, and be back tomorrow afternoon.”

“That should give you enough time to get this stupid fight over with,” Usopp added, glaring at Zoro.

Sanji couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re just going to leave me here, Robin? With them?” The cook was stricken. Everyone’s faces were resolute, except for Zoro and Nami who were exchanging dirty looks. “Hey, why do I have to stay behind when it’s these two who are fighting?”

Luffy stood up and slapped him on the back. “We’ll bring back lots of fish!” He marched out of the cabin. Usopp and Chopper scarfed down their breakfasts quickly and trouped out after him.

“Guys!” Sanji tried to go after them, but Robin caught him by the arm.

“Don’t worry,” she said, smiling beatifically. “I’m sure it’s all going to work out just fine, Sanji.”

Sanji watched her walk out dejectedly. His day was going from bad to worse, and breakfast wasn’t even over yet.

Maybe he could sneak off the ship and follow them. Zoro and Nami could do their own damn cooking, and there was no way Robin would be so heartless as to send him back. Surely those bozos couldn’t know how to cook a decent fish either, could they? Or maybe he could whip up a grocery list and send his feuding lovers into town again for the day. In any case, being stuck too long around either was going to spell big trouble. He could just feel it.

“Oh Sanji?” He turned around. Zoro was chewing another piece of toast and Nami was just finishing her omelette. “We had a little chat last night, Zoro and me,” Nami put down her fork, “and we just want to know one thing.”

Sanji’s brow twitched. What now? “Yeah? What is it?”

“Are you absolutely, positively sure you can’t decide between the two of us?”

That made his heart twinge. Sanji bit his lip. Be a man, he scolded himself. This is your fault, because you couldn’t make a decision in the first place! 

Zoro and Nami were both staring at him, waiting for an answer. Sanji looked back and forth between them, trying desperately to think of some way to say yes to one of them without hurting the other. Finally, miserably, he shook his head. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

Zoro grinned. “I was hoping you’d say that.” 

Suddenly Sanji found himself flat on his back, tackled to the ground, and pinned by his shoulders to the cabin floor. Sanji was so shocked, it didn’t occur to him to fight back. “What are you - ? Zoro, what - ?”

“I was hoping you’d say that too.” Nami’s voice was silky soft, as she lowered her chloroform soaked handkerchief over his face.

“Nami – ?” Things were getting awfully fuzzy. The last thing he heard was Nami whisper something about "getting the handcuffs," before he dropped into unconsciousness.   
\---


	5. Part 5

Sanji woke up buck naked in the storeroom. His hands were cuffed above his head, the chain threaded through an eyehook in the support column. Zoro and Nami were nowhere in sight. “Hey!” he shouted. “This isn’t funny!” He tried to get up from the kneeling position he’d been left in, only to discover his feet had also been roped together behind the column, leaving him in a very awkward position. He tried to kick himself free, but there wasn’t enough leverage. 

This was ridiculous. “Stupid, immature, pig-headed, idiots!” he ranted.

“Oh, you’re up,” Zoro strode in, wearing nothing but his new boots and a pair of very, *very* tight leather pants. He took advantage of Sanji’s momentary speechlessness to give the cook a very firm, and very invasive kiss.

Sanji’s eyes widened, but he was frowning when Zoro pulled away. “This is supposed to be some kind of payback, isn’t it?”

“Maybe.” Zoro sat himself down on a wooden crate and grinned at him.

“Nice pants,” Sanji heard himself say. “Nice” was an understatement. He couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off Zoro’s crotch. The leather made everything seem to bulge, and that area was no exception.

“Nami’s idea of a thank you,” Zoro’s grin widened as Sanji’s face started to redden. He’d been opposed to getting himself “dolled up” for their little plan, but he was glad the redhead had talked him into this. 

“You two seem to be playing awfully nice with each other. A thank you for what?” Sanji’s voice, at least, was still cool. 

“Shoes.”

“Shoes?” Sanji snickered. “You bought her shoes?!”

“Oh, not just any shoes, Sanji,” Nami’s voice was coming from just out of sight behind him. 

Zoro’s jaw had dropped. “Damn, woman!”

Sanji craned his neck to see, but Nami walked into sight soon enough. Correction, she *stalked* in, on a pair of blood-red stiletto heels. “Oh my God,” he croaked. Nami was wearing a sheer red negligee that ended just at the top of her thighs. Red lace stockings were held up by red garter belts connected to a pair of black lace panties. Sanji was pretty sure all the blood had drained from his face. The negligee wasn’t hiding *anything.*

“Hi Sanji.” She came over to him, nice and slow, hips swaying, breasts jiggling just a little. This kiss was quick, just enough to let him taste her lipstick. Nami always was a tease.

“Okay,” Sanji sounded a little shaky as Nami withdrew. “What are you two going to do with me?” It was the closest he was going to get to admitting he was getting scared.

“You?” Zoro chuckled, as Nami straddled his lap. “You get to watch, loverboy.”

“What?!”

Nami threw her arms around Zoro’s neck and licked the side of his face like a cat before turning to face Sanji. “All that fighting got us *awful* worked up, and you didn’t seem interested in helping.” She pressed herself up tighter against the swordsman, and gasped when he pinched her ass. “So, Zoro and I came to a little understanding.”

“It's a damn good deal too,” Zoro’s hands were moving up and down those red clad thighs, playing with the garter belts. “Let's just say the two of us have been getting to know each other *real* well in the last few days.”

Sanji’s brain just about shriveled up and died when Nami leaned over and traced Zoro’s lips with her tongue. “This isn’t happening,” he announced suddenly. “This can *not* be happening!”

“But somehow you can’t stop watching, can you?” Nami drawled. “Not that I blame you. I mean, *look* at these muscles.” She traced her fingers over Zoro’s rippling abs, letting out a soft moan as his arms came around her waist. “And he holds me so *tight* with these big, strong, arms. A girl could really get used to somebody so forceful and – ooh! Animalistic.” Zoro growled on cue, before pulling her into a very long open-mouthed kiss. “And you can tell he’s an *expert* swordsman,” Nami gasped when they broke off. She ground herself against his thigh suggestively.

Sanji felt as though he wasn’t even in the room. On some level his brain knew that the two of them were just putting on a performance for his benefit and that he should be outraged, but his libido, which was quickly taking over, was thinking something entirely different. His legs sprawled open, there was no way Nami and Zoro were going to miss his rapidly hardening erection.

Sure enough, Nami glanced back over her shoulder at him. “I think somebody’s getting excited,” she sing-songed.

Zoro kissed her forehead possessively. “He can’t have you,” he said, harshly. “He already had his chance, and he screwed it up.”

Sanji wanted to protest, but all that came out of his mouth was an incoherent gurgle when Zoro slid his hands up under the red negligee to fondle Nami’s breasts. Not to be outdone, her hands were busy unbuckling the swordsman’s belt and working their way into his pants. The cook didn’t know if he could stand much more of this.

“She’s so much better at this than you,” Zoro smirked over Nami’s head at him. “You looked like hell in this outfit, but it was *made* for her.” Nami nuzzled against his neck, and sighed deeply. “She’s so soft, so warm,” Zoro kneaded the flesh under his fingers, until the girl moaned. “And she doesn’t taste like an ashtray either.” 

“There really isn’t any good reason at all,” Nami panted, “why we shouldn’t both dump you and keep each other.” Her right hand was beneath Zoro’s waistband now. Sanji could see it *moving* under the leather.

Zoro’s breathing deepened. “Damn, that feels good.” He closed his eyes, expression tightening. “We’ll both get a hell of a lot more out of it than waiting around for you.” One sharp eye blinked open, staring hard at Sanji. “Well, you bastard? Got anything to say?”

They’d stopped. Nami turned himself around on Zoro’s lap, leaning up against him. Zoro’s hands were resting on her shoulders. They were both looking at Sanji, like they had that morning, expectantly.

“Well Sanji?” Nami asked softly.

“I don’t –“ Sanji’s head was swimming. All the blood in his body seemed to have gone straight to his dick. He wanted so badly for one of them – no, both of them to touch him. “I know why you’re doing this. I know it’s my fault,” he babbled. “I was an idiot for not telling you I was fooling around. I didn’t want to hurt anybody, but that wasn’t any excuse. I'm an idiot and I'm a moron and I'm sorry, dammit. I'm sorry!” He let out a hard breath. “I wasn’t lying when I said I couldn’t decide. It hurt to think about losing either one of you.” 

Nami and Zoro looked at each other, then back at Sanji. “What do you think?” Zoro hugged Nami against him, voice low against her ear.

Nami looked doubtful. “I’m not sure.”

“Nami!” Sanji was on the verge of begging.

“Well ...” she tilted up her head to Zoro. “He’s awfully cute when he’s desperate.”

“And those fucking puppy eyes are going to haunt me,” Zoro agreed reluctantly. “Guess we’ve got to untie him.”

“Hmmm. Just his feet,” Nami said, sliding off Zoro’s lap. “He’s looking pretty good in those handcuffs.”

Zoro shook his head and laughed. “Was she always this kinky?” he asked Sanji as he came over to release him. 

“She never had this kind of equipment before,” Sanji replied. Zoro cut the ropes, unhooked the cuffs from the eyehook, and helped the cook to his feet. He was a little shaky, and the swordsman had to catch him when he stumbled. “Thanks,” he murmured. His libido really was ridiculous. Zoro’s hands on him alone were making him melt.

“Poor baby,” Nami murmured, coming over to kiss Sanji, then Zoro. “You’ve had a rough morning.”

“Not nearly as rough as it’s gonna get,” Zoro teased. His fly was undone and his cock was out. He hooked an arm around Sanji’s neck. "You think you can handle both of us at the same time?”

“No,” Sanji shivered. “But I think you’re gonna make me.”

“Smart man,” Zoro replied. He pushed the blonde back down to his knees. Sanji rolled over onto his side as Zoro’s slick fingers worked their way between his legs, probing his ass, opening him up.

“Where were you hiding the lube?” Nami asked, unhooking the garters and shimmying out of her panties.

“Take a guess,” Zoro said simply, oiling up his own cock.

Sanji whined in frustration. “Hurry up, Marimo.”

Zoro rolled his eyes. “I’ve been waiting just as long as you have. And you weren’t the one with that wildcat in your lap.”

“Yeah, but you guys have been screwing around with each other for days, while I haven’t had any for over a week,” the cook protested, trying to look pitiful. 

“Stop making those eyes at me!” Zoro grabbed Sanji, flipped him over, and sank himself into the stupid bastard as deep as he could go. He took satisfaction in watching him inhale sharply, arching his back against the floor.

“Oh, fuck!” Sanji felt like he was going to pass out. It was too fast and it hurt, but it was a good hurt. He tried to make Zoro move, but he was being pulled up and backwards, until he was lying on top of the swordsman, and firmly impaled on his cock. Sanji took initiative, sitting up a little and fucking himself on Zoro, and yelped when the other pirate suddenly wrapped his arms around the cook’s chest and pulled him back down. 

“Wait for it,” he said gruffly. 

“You two look good together,” Nami had abandoned the stilettos, and crawled over to them. “Hope you don’t mind if I make myself comfortable.”

She straddled both of them and lowered herself gingerly on to Sanji’s erection, little by little, until he was all the way inside. Then she started moving, up and down, with infuriating slowness. Sanji's eyes nearly rolled up into the back of his head. 

“Why do you get to be the one on top?” Zoro complained from beneath them.

“Because,” Nami groaned, grinding herself downwards, “I can’t support all this weight.”

“Sure you can,” Zoro had suddenly shoved all of them forward, and Nami was sprawled backwards, clutching Sanji against her, as Zoro started thrusting behind him in earnest. 

“Ow! Oooh!” Nami squealed. Each thrust from Zoro was forcing Sanji up harder between her thighs. “Warn us before you do that next time!”

“Next time?” Sanji was lost in a haze of sensation between them. With Nami's insides squeezing him just right and Zoro doing his damnedest to fuck his brains out, trapped between soft breasts and hard arms, red lace and black leather, he was in bliss. The idea that something like this would happen more than once was like a miracle.

“Of course, next time,” Nami was sucking on his neck. “I’m sure as hell not giving up Zoro.”

“And you’re not fucking Nami without me,” Zoro added. 

Sanji closed his eyes, feeling the pressure build inside him. “I guess I can live with that.”

The world went white.

***

When Robin and the rest of the crew came back to the boat the next day, they found all three of their friends exhausted and asleep. Together. In Nami’s bed. They congratulated themselves on their clever plan, and went to unload all the fish.

The hearts on Nami’s tangerine trees had all been changed to read “S+Z+N.”   
\---

THE END


End file.
